A Year's Reflection

Today has been a day for reflection. It's a new week, the end of the month, and also marks my first performance review at work. It's been almost a year with the company and almost a year with my Master. It doesn't feel like a whole cycle of 365 days have passed for either. I most certainly remember my first day at work and I'll never forget the day I submitted to Master. Both beautiful days in their own rights. And I couldn't be happier with either aspect.

Coming up on these one-year anniversaries, I've spent quite a bit of time reflecting. Having known Master since day one in SL, day one as an explorer in this lifestyle, and day one wearing a collar, it's been an amazing experience. I started out as this shy, unsure and completely intimidated girl who wanted nothing more than to be true to what lay in her heart. Fast forward nearly 12 months later and I'm a transformed person, having become a strong, confident (for the most part) loving, loyal woman.

It wasn't an easy journey - at all. While searching for the Master I so desperately wanted, I spent months passed over and had quite a few experiences of having my hopes cut away from me by cruel, inexperienced or careless Doms (I use that term loosely). I spent a crazy few months with my first Master who made me question who I was and lacked the ability to further guide me when needed.

And then I came back to Master and Dominus, confused, sad, yet still determined to be the best submissive I could be. Just because I wasn't owned didn't mean I was allowed to give up and let myself go. I had responsibilities to myself and to the lifestyle. Determination is definitely a key quality in a submissive. I refocused on my education. While no longer inexperienced, I felt I had reached a whole new level of understanding things which almost made me feel like I was learning all over again. I was enjoying the fulfillment that comes with my defining myself as a submissive woman, even unowned. As I'm sure many have heard time and time again - it's not the collar that defines us, rather it's what inside that makes us kneel, that propels us to serve. I finally understood enough to enjoy and feel at peace.

Finally things fell into place. I submitted to Master and began the next phase of my journey. Full of many ups and downs. I look back and think I was like a young child who needed to be put in her place. In many ways that's true - I'm still very young to this lifestyle and rely on my Master and sisters to help me learn. And serving as an unowned submissive is very much different from serving under the collar of your Master. At least it was in what I've experienced. I had new expectations. New rules. New... everything. It was a very huge adjustment period for me and the learning curve was high. But I did it, I learned, grew, shined, loved. And I can say I'm a better person for it.

So thank you Master, thank you Morggana, Mina and Nadeen for this wonderful wonderful first year.

Posted with the permission of Master Darius