Submission is not a desire for me and is even more than just a need, it is part of me. I have always been submissive and wanted to serve and please others in any way I could. When they are happy and satisfied is when I am the most happy and feel the most fulfilled. To disappoint someone breaks my heart and I feel so lost and devastated. I am trying to learn that to disappoint someone does not mean that I am a failure, just that I may have failed at that task. This is still hard for me to grasp at times and I am trying very hard to learn that lesson.
To serve means to give of myself willingly and completely and with my whole heart in order to serve in any manner that they feel is needed or desired at the time. I have been told all my life that I have a servants heart. To me that means that I do so gladly, gratefully, and with my whole heart even if I am tired or it is something I would rather not do. While I am new to the BDSM D/S or M/s lifestyle in practice, I am not knew to it in my heart and in my desires. I am trying to learn that this desire to serve does not mean that I am a doormat but in all honesty that boundary line is still hard for me to identify. That is why I am in training to learn what is healthy and safe and what is not so I can be a better servant and find my feeling of completeness through my complete submission and servitude.
Posted for lilsparrow with permission from Master Darius
Thank you for your honesty and whole hearted desire to be who you are.
ReplyDeleteWhat a wonderful and genuine glimpse you have given us into a submissives heart. Thank you Sparrow
ReplyDeleteThank you for this amazing post sparrow. I learned not to long ago that I was a doormat. Even tho I served and was happy what I was doingl I learned also that people were walking all over me. I wanted to know that everyone that i cared about was happy. but at the same time I forgot to make sure I was happy. This is why I am in training as well. I want to learn to serve but also want to learn to not be a door mat that everyone thinks I am. You took the words right out of my mouth.. Thank you again.
ReplyDeleteYou sister, undertake the same journey into self understanding and growth that i myself began many years ago. Reading your words made me smile as a reminder of my own journey, one that continues with each day. Thank you for sharing so openly and honestly. Your words remind me of what i aspire to for myself even now in each day, to grow into the whole of who i am, becoming complete in my submission, free in my chains. Thank you for sharing so freely.
ReplyDeleteMany times I have found myself saying that we were all new once. You have reminded me just what it means to be new, and all the trials, tribulations and uncertainties that come with that. Through your eyes, I'll be better able to help others that are new. Thank you for sharing what's in your heart. It will help me to learn all over again and to share what I know with you and others, while allowing me to grow in many small ways.
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