Finding Your Center In Times of Stress

We as individuals handle the stresses of life in many different ways. We all have our own individual coping mechanisms to help us deal with life’s stumbling blocks and times we find ourselves feeling overwhelmed by life in both our vanilla and BDSM worlds. In my vanilla world I am a single working parent with perfectionist tendencies. I am my worst enemy at times and am the hardest on myself when I fail. I always strive to be the best at what I do at work and as a parent which creates its own stress. Finding my balance in a world full of responsibilities and challenges is often difficult. There are times when the weight of the world comes crashing in on me and I lose my “center” or balance and feel overwhelmed.  I know that if you have a pulse and are breathing that most of you can relate to feeling overwhelmed by life in general at one time or another.

For those of us who have chosen to live within a BDSM lifestyle we may find even more challenges and overwhelming moments that add to our stressors. It doesn’t matter if you are a Dominant or submissive we all experience stress at one time or another. There may be moments where you feel lost, alone, out of control, feel betrayed, loss of trust, feelings of separation, shame, guilt, or disappointment. All of these negative emotions can invade your core and challenge your balance. What do you do with these feelings and emotions when they occur, how do you find your center? Keep in mind that most of us are unable to share this BDSM world with our support system within our vanilla world. This alone can lead to  feelings of isolation with having to keep the essence of who you are at your very core a secret. For that reason it is essential we all realize that we need to support one another within our BDSM community. This is often the only non-judgmental support system that we may have.

As a submissive in a loving poly family the support I receive from my wonderful and amazing Master and sisters is what helps me to refocus and re-center myself during those overwhelming moments. These are a few things I do to help me to refocus and find my center again when I feel out of balance and overwhelmed.

1.    Slow, deep breaths. I count to 5 as I slowly breathe in, then hold it for 5 and then slowly exhale for 5.
2.    Exercise (a walk, run, yoga…) It helps kick in those good endorphins and releases stress.
3.    Use a Mantra/affirmation. Find some affirmative phrases that are true to you that make you feel calm                      and reassured and make that your affirmation Mantra.
4.    Talk to a support person or journal your feelings and emotions.
5.    Meditate or pray.
6.    Engage your senses. Concentrate on smells, sounds, touch, sight, and hearing. Set up a positive environment to de-stress (aroma therapy, soft music, dim or candle light, warm bubble bath)
7.    Remember who you are at your core and be true to yourself, find ways to be kind to yourself.

What do you do to help find your center in times of stress inquiring minds want to know so if you have some good tips that you would like to share with us please use the comment section below.