The Intricacies of Trust

Trust - a small yet powerful word. From what I've been taught to what I've experienced, I KNOW that trust is vital to a healthy realtionship. A word and idea worthy enough to hold place as one of the founding pillars of a BDSM relationship.

I knew my Master for almost a year before He put me under consideration. That time gave me the luxury of building a strong bond of trust with Him. I knew He had a good heart. I knew He loved me and would keep us safe. I knew that to submit to Him, no harm would come to me. I trusted Him to respect me and my limits, I trusted Him to be honest with me and I trusted Him to always communicate openly and for myself to do the same. See a pattern yet?

Trust is a necessity in any relationship because it is so intrictely entertwined with every other aspect. So much so, that you may not even realize it. For me, it seemed natural. That doesn't mean it was always easy to have.

I'll admit, it was easiest for me to build trust with my Master than with my sisters. When I was first collared I didn't have an easy time fitting in or figuring out where exactly "Jessa" was meant to be. I did trust my sisters in the idea that I could lean on them for support, I could talk to them about anything, and they would be there for me. I, however, did not trust myself.

Self trust is not only valuable in the M/s realtionship; it's necessary. Here I was, in a poly relationship, failing (in my head at least) to find my place and bond like a good girl. My lack of trust in myself to not screw up or say something that would offened or embarrass myself (I'm a bit of a perfectionist) ultimately prevented me from moving forward in my relationship with the entire family. It took months to get out of that rut. In my experience, self trust developed more slowly than my trust in my sisters and Master. Perhaps my whole-hearted jump into a stricter (did I mention poly?!) relationship after my previous Master had something to do with it. I had to relearn so much. I had to experience new things for myself. I had to think a lot about what I wanted, what I needed and what I was willing to do to get there.

How could I trust my Master and family, but not myself? That was the wall I kept hitting. Eventually (and I mean EVENTUALLY) my trust in myself grew as I grew within my family. By trusting in them, it enabled me to learn, to grow, to experience, and to slowly regain my own trust and faith in myself.

Posted with the permission of Master Darius