We get to experience one of the most interesting and diverse lifestyle that is out there. The BDSM lifestyle consists of unity and yes at the same time we all travel the path in very different ways, different beliefs, and different expectations. Here at Dominus we are always striving to continue our understanding and growth from the others involved in this lifestyle, whether it is solely here in second life or if it continues to branch out into real life. Every day we get to strive from the different perspective in which we run across from those who are interested in what the lifestyle means to see if they would embrace it to those who have had many years of experience. Through the inexperience of some to the vast knowledge and experience of others we never stop learning more about the lifestyle, ourselves, and others. I was honored to have been able to interview a couple of lifestylers to gain more insight and perspective on this very unified yet very different lifestyle.
A 54 year-old woman come to us wishing to learn more about being a submissive. So we were able to interview her on how she saw this lifestyle, herself, and to understand her expectations. She shared with us that her interest in learning more about this lifestyle stems from a desire to serve that has been a part of her forever, that it is just a part of her personality. She shared that through her loving and compassionate personality she feels that she can bring a lot into the lifestyle for both herself and a future Master. Another desire from being in this lifestyle is to learn more about what a relationship is about as well as learning more about herself in who she is. She has thought about becoming a Mistress but feels her need to serve is stronger than her need to guide. One of the questions that we asked was the opinion on a paid contract. This can be a sore spot to some and yet a strong point to others but to her it means more that if the Master is screened, to avoid an abusive situation, she thinks it is a good idea in that it gives them both an idea if the relationship is going to be beneficial to both parties in the relationship. In being new to the lifestyle the question of what a collar means to her was an important one. She shared that a collar means that she belongs to someone. The element of the D/s relationship that is most important to her is respect because without this element the relationship isn’t going to work in that it will end in someone being hurt or unhappy. In being a newcomer herself she would share the advice of being true and honest with yourself to other newcomers starting this lifestyle.
Along with her i was able to interview a very dear friend of mine who happens to also be a Dominant. He is currently 42 years old but has been learning about this lifestyle since He found a magazine at age 17. For Him it isnt about the relationship with the lifestyle but more of a kink that He is part of. He enjoys the control He has over His girl but doesnt necessarily want to full 24/7 experience or responsibilities. His desire to be served isnt necessarily a need He has but rather a nice perk that He gets from His girl when they play. One thing that i found interesting in the link between the 54 year-old submissive woman and my Dominant friend is, even though His being a Dominant is more of a role rather then a personality trait, the collar still is a very honored thing to be respected as a commitment to another. He has had the same girl under His collar for the past eight years. When He is in the role of Dominant He puts all of who He is into guiding and leading His girl even if it is more of a kink then a lifestyle.
So in looking at these two different people and their beliefs and expectations the thought comes to mind, "well then are they really in the same lifestyle?" To me i say yes. Just because we dont all follow the same guidelines or experiences doesnt make any of us any less then another. There are many judgements made on those in the BDSM lifestyle not only from the outside world but that of the world within the lifestyle as well. We may be classified as different to the Vanilla community, even to the point where in history having BDSM tendencies was classified as a mental disorder, but there isnt just one label that can be put on us. We even come from two different worlds in some cases when it comes to Gor and Earth. Our titles include being a Master, Mistress, Dominant, Domme, submissive, slave, pet, and so many more. The beliefs of this lifestyle are much more then I can list as every person has their own view on what this lifestyle is to them and the best part of it all is that even though there are differences and judgements made by all of us we are still unified by a lifestyle that brings meaning and happiness to some, gudiance and love, respect and honesty, and even a way to heal.
There are many things that i enjoy by learning and educating throughout this lifestyle but the one that i really get joy from is giving someone the opportunity to see things from a different perspective. I enjoy being able to bring some understanding to those who are in the vanilla lifestyle or even here in our lifestyle.
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